Happy birthday Natalia

Tomorrow is Natalia's 28th birthday. For those that don't know Natalia is Phil's sister. This is the 5th birthday we've had without her. I wasn't sure whether to put this on the blog, something happened a few weeks ago and I was a little hurt, but I don't want to go into detail. Maybe it's because I don't share emotions so it seems I don't care, I keep everything bottled up. Maybe it's because I am married to the brother and men don't have nostalgic desires to reminisce. But I think people don't think we care, I don't know. It won't make sense because I don't want to go into detail and I am sure that the people that did it even realize what they did. She was my sister even if it was only for a short time and I miss her everyday.

If anyone can't read about her please stop because my blogging is my therapy. I don't talk to people, but I can blog about it.

Phil and I started dating in 2003. Before I met his family I was clued in about Natalia by a roommate, Jeff. Sorry Jeff. He told me about how he was scared of this girl. She told him people were out of the box in her world and if she put him in the box he did something wrong. So you can imagine I was a little nervous she wasn't going to like me. When we walked in the house here is this 5 foot nothing 90 lbs girl who I never heard say anything bad about one single person.

I wish everyday that my kids would be able to know her. Our lives are different without her and I am pretty sure there isn't a day that goes by that we don't think about her. She still affects us. For a long time when someone was saved I was glad for them, but I would think, but why didn't that happen for her? How is that fair? It's hard to know it was her time. My uncle got his transplant a year after Natalia died and is doing amazing. I am so so glad that he got one and is alive. It's amazing. It was his time to live. Yesterday I was told that our neighbor got a kidney transplant. He's been needing one for awhile now and that's fantastic for him and I realize that there's a time for everyone. It was hers to go. We might not understand it. I still don't, but I am more at peace now and I am not mad. She was an organ donor. I have seen both sides now. I have sat in the hospital when the doctor asked if she would have liked her organs donated and I have sat in the hospital waiting room with the family waiting for the surgery to get done and hope that his new organ takes. Modern medicine is amazing and I believe in it fully, but also God is amazing.

Happy birthday Natalia. We love and miss you.